Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.

Though it may be painful, the fact that you have started talking about issues is a good sign.

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Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.

You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.

To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.

At the heart of the problem of online “infidelity” is the fact that it is usually done in secret and without the partner’s knowledge – even with infrequent access this secrecy can reduce the intimacy between the couple and can be a first step on the road to bigger betrayals.

Such intimacy is built on communication and friendship and leads to deep affection and a satisfying sex life.

However, creating this intimacy is hard work and much harder than the easy escapism of the internet or watching TV or even over-working or domestic chores.

A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner.

When this happens frequently, it can lead to a reduction in their sex-life together, a growing sense of disconnection and an erosion of the marital bond.

I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.