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She continued her conversation for two or three minutes without acknowledging me, then turned to me, said “I’m late for something,” and walked away. So we rescheduled, and I told her, “Please don’t plan any meetings right before or after this, and please don’t bring your cell phone, because I want your undivided attention for a while.” She said, “You’re scaring me.” We did meet.Many times, I asked her what was wrong, whether we still had a relationship, and she would always say, “Everything’s fine. We’ll get together more when I’m less busy.” But she never got any less busy. She did arrive late and leave early because of other meetings. I said, “I’m sorry for the times I’ve been prickly to you these last few months.” (Thinking to myself, “Girl, you’re lucky because you’ve only experienced about 1% of the anger I’m feeling toward you.”) And she said, “Yes, you have been.” I said, “Is there anything else I need to apologize for?
At the time, it seemed like an impossible dream come true.
I had never experienced much emotional closeness or affirmation from any woman before, especially not the message that I was a desirable person.
After two or three months together, she started to pull away, in ways that were insensitive, misleading, and hurtful. But instead, for reasons I still don’t understand, she led me on for a long time.
Ladies, if you want to learn how to emotionally a weak, insecure man, take notes on this next section. It’s very important.” My intention was to apologize for own offenses, have a real conversation about what had happened, and express to her how much pain she was putting me through.
But at the same time that I was starving for closeness, she felt the need for distance.
I wanted more and more of her; she wanted less and less of me.
I was probably too timid at the time to have done so. I was a shy introvert; she was a charming, expressive extravert who could work a room like a movie star.
I didn’t have many friends; she had hundreds, and she was always dropping the names of famous people she knew. I am average looking, but she was extremely pretty, with perfect skin, large eyes, and delicate features.
Over spring break, for example, we talked only once, for about 10 minutes. ” She said, “Yes—you remember that letter you wrote to me last month, expressing your thoughts on relationships and sexuality?
Once I asked her, “What do I have to do to spend more time with you? I showed it to my mom and my girlfriends, and we agreed that it was inappropriate.” I was mortified. ” She said, “Well, I realized six months ago that I wasn’t interested in you anymore.
I was desperately afraid it wouldn’t last, and I tried desperately hard to make sure it would. We spent many hours together, talking about our thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams.